After I started a new chapter in my life I made a list. This list consisted of 30 things that I wanted to do before I turned 30. Some things are things I want to do. Some things are things I want to accomplish. And some fall under the area of personal and spiritual growth. This past weekend I not only crossed some things off my list, I became a part of a movement that moved me so drastically and I didn’t even know I needed it. Friday night I went to a drum circle. It was just something I added as an after thought to my list. I went with my djembe and an open mind. The experience was so personal. The setting, the movement, the unity; it was beautiful. Watching parents dance with their children around a dimly lit room with only a circle of lights in the middle was so beautiful. I found myself trying to use all my senses. I would close my eyes and hear each individual beat and smell the sage that the room had been smudged with earlier. I would look around to see each person from all walks of life and all ages just feeling alive! This is just want and needed to be able to handle the events of the next day.
I hopped in a car with my new found feminist friend at the WV border and we headed to DC for the Women’s March. From the time we hit the MD line, there were pussy hats all over the interstate. There were buses and cars full of men, women and children all heading in the same direction. It was so beautiful and powerful to be among so many people all there for different subcategories of reasons, but all united under a blanket of a need for equality. Everyone was so kind to police and armed forces that were there. Even the folks that came to protest against the protest were treated with respect. Because phone lines were jammed, I didn’t know just how many millions of people around the world had joined in the movement. This movement that was started as a Facebook event by a handful of women became a world act of solidarity and I am so proud that I was able to be a part of it.
This is only the beginning my friends. Our voices are lifted and we will not be silenced. Equality for all!
As I browsed through the bookstore today, I saw an older couple walking in and I immediately felt self-conscious. I looked at the books I was holding and tried to hide them. Not that they were anything to be embarrassed of (A copy of Paine’s Common Sense, Frankl’s Man’s Search For Meaning, and Hillbilly Elegy by JD Vance), but over the past 18 months there has been a cloud looming. A cloud of division and misunderstanding. As I hid my books along the other side of me, I realized how stupid I was. Not only had I judged them for thinking that they could be potentially judging me, I tried to hide books out of fear! I was thinking that when they passed by they would say under their breath “Look, another liberal girl trying to cause trouble” I think that way because that is the picture that has been painted. I have seen too many examples of anger and misunderstandings from both sides when there shouldn’t be sides at all. I do believe that for the majority, there is common ground and a sense of understanding, but the ones who only see black and white are the ones who’s voices are heard the loudest. I have always had a natural curiosity about what people think about me, but I have never let it cause me fear. Now, there is so much fear among people who are different. There is fear from any community that isn’t predominately that of white males. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to think that I may have to defend myself and who I am or my beliefs just because someone else doesn’t like them.
I don’t want to, but I will.
I come from the school of thought of understanding. Even if I don’t understand all the rudimentary ideals, I can still appreciate the diversity. That what makes life so bountiful and beautiful! But here we are on the eve before the inauguration of our 45th president and I’m scared. Just because I am scared doesn’t mean I’m just going to put my head in the sand for 4 years, but it does show for some concern. Will he be able to do all the horrible things that he said he was going to do? Are the members of his cabinet (I.e. Betsy DeVos, Ben Carson, etc)able to do to jobs that they have been appointed to do? Will he actually bring jobs back? Only time will tell, but so far I feel justified in my concern. With all that being said, I will continue to love and try to make this world a better and more beautiful place. I pray that I will be able to share my ideas openly and continue to have faith in our government. I pray that new and different ideals can still be shared. And most of all, I pray that my concerns will not come to fruition.
A new year rolls around every 365 days. When you think about it in the aspect of minutes, hours, or even seconds, it seems like there is so much time, but when you group it together by experiences, it feels like grasping for clock hands. Some of my experiences have seemingly stopped time, while others I wish could have moved faster. I’ve spent the last six to eight months looking over my life and categorizing it into increments of time. Times when I have been fearless and unstoppable and times when I have been conquered by my own self-doubt. There are categories of simply surviving and there are categories of thriving.
There is no rhyme of reason for this right now, I just know that time is constant and time is change. I’m not in a rut and I’m not sinking. But I ask myself again “Is this my life?” I feel if I have to ask myself that question, then the answer is no. Am I content? Yeah. Do I want to settle for contentment in my life? No. I get one chance at this and then I’m done, so why spend 30 years living a paycheck to paycheck life it that doesn’t suit me?I have a 3o before 30 list. It’s 30 things I want to do before I turn 30. Why make a list? because I want to feel like I’ve accomplished some tangible things. While I love personal and spiritual growth, I crave more. I want to do it all and see it all. I am so eager to see how far I can go. This is a beautiful, crazy, wonderful, messy, and oh so satisfying journey.
Make it happen.